‘I struggle to let them be subjected to any assessment that pitches them against one another.’

Then you will really struggle with the UK school system my dear.

Because the moment your child sets foot in a school, any school, they will be ‘subjected to rigorous assessment.’

That’s basically what teachers have to do every single day (among the other 100 things that they have to think about and do every single day).

Assess children.

‘Pitch them against each other.’

Sad but true. You don’t like it? Well, that’s just the way it is. If you really don’t like it, don’t place your child into the school system!

As a teacher, you are there to assess the children.

As a teacher, you are set targets for each child after they have completed their baseline assessments, and these targets need to be met otherwise as a teacher you risk losing your job. That is the sad reality of it. So much pressure on the teacher!

So, you can say sentences like the one above when you are referring to the assessment process but ultimately the minute your child sets foot into a UK classroom it becomes a competition.

A competition about who is the best at maths.

A competition about who knows their phonics and their spellings.

A competition about who knows how to read.

A competition about who can communicate better and whose vocabulary is the strongest.

And your child will immediately be streamed. Whether they tell you or not, your child will be placed with other groups of children who perform in a similar way to them. Your child will be taught differently based on their level and ability (we call it differentiation).

Your child will receive differentiated tasks based on their abilities. This is the nature of schools. How else would your child be taught with 15-29+ other children?

So if you know that and you are aware of that, you will be less likely to care so much when it comes to assessments. And try not to let that put you off applying to the best schools for your child.

Go into it knowing that it WILL be a competition and the best of the best WILL make it through. And if that’s not your child in that moment and time, nothing has gone wrong. Put in your all to support your child. Drown out all the ridiculous and toxic noise and go all in to take massive action to prepare your child to be able to go in and show the best of their abilities.

I experience rejection every month when it comes to my son. He is a model for a top agency and most weeks, he is not cast for jobs. There’s nothing wrong with my son. I know that he is amazing and so, so beautiful. But I carry on. Of course, I take it personally – every single time! But that’s okay. It’s the competitive nature of the world we live in! We carry on!

As parents, we will do the best we can for our children. And what is the best for you may not be the best for someone else and that’s ok. We are not here to people please anyone else. So many of you wanting validation from others? You will never get it.

Validation is fleeting. Someone will love you and then forget about you. Or they’ll love you and then stab you in the back! That’s life!

We are here to support our children to have the best possible opportunities for them. To give them the best possible childhoods for them. Stay in your lane. Do the best for your child. Whatever that means for you. And if someone has something to say about your child and the way you choose to raise them, look them square in the eyes, smile, nod (roll your eyes if you like!) and walk away.

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