How do you solve a 'problem' like socialisation?

There are countless studies on socialisation and if you wish to read more about it, go for it.

These are my views based on my own childhood, my own opinion of socialisation and what I’ve experienced and observed working as a teacher for over two decades.

We all have different opinions of what socialisation and socialising means.

It will not mean the same thing to every single one of us.

Merriam-Webster defines socialization (spelled socialisation in British English) as the process, beginning in childhood, by which people learn and acquire the values, habits, and attitudes of their society.

For me, that’s where the first issue arises. I want to be nothing like most of our society and I want to spend very little time with many people in this society of ours! Does that mean I’m anti social? To some of you it will mean that. To me it does not. To me, it means that I am very selective about who I wish to spend my time with.

I also wish to acquire my own values - not the values of others (unless they are aligned with mine).

I would rather stay far away from the majority of habits held by the society I live in!

I can’t stand the attitude of many people in my society!

Here is what socialisation means to me personally.

Socialisation is the act of socialising with people who I choose to socialise with. Socialisation means spending time with the people I love and whose values are aligned with mine.

I want my socialising to be real and not fake.

In childhood, most of our socialising comes either from the socialising we do with our parents and our families and the socialising that we do at school (or the place we are educated - for some of us this will be home school).

Many of us are fortunate enough to have had excellent experiences socialising with our families as young children. Many of us didn’t.

As a child I did not.

My mother was always working and mostly stressed out and tired.

My father was barely present and then he died when I was 10.

Many of us are fortunate enough to have had excellent experiences socialising at school or by being home schooled. Many of us didn’t.

I went to a 7 form entry Secondary School where teachers didn’t really know us as individuals. In many of my lessons, we would need to write our names on bits of paper so teachers could call on us if we raised our hands! I had few friendships (one or two close friends) and I was fine with that but that wasn’t acceptable to the society I lived in. I should have been more popular. I should have had more friends. I should hang out with the popular girls (who FYI were sneaking out of school to take drugs).

Now, as a 41 year old woman, I adore my definition of socialisation. I adore my close circle of friends. My son has real and beautiful relationships with people who actually, truly adore him and would do anything for him.

So stop putting everyone into a little box that we should all fit into. We are all different. Our children are all different. What works well for one, will work terribly for another.

Socialisation is not a problem. How we view it may be the only problem.

Decide on your meaning of socialisation for you and for your child and live a life aligned with your definition of it and not on what society makes it mean!