Unrealistic Expectations. A true 4+ story.
/Names changed - obviously.
Sally came to me in July 2026. Her daughter Suma was currently studying at a ‘top’ central London Pre-School. Sally was very keen on Westminster and several other 4+ schools. She seemed determined to do everything in her power to support her daughter to be successful in her 4+ assessments. I was very clear with her that I did not think that she had enough time to prepare her daughter for a school like Westminster (and the others on her list). However, she was determined, and she told me that she would do everything she could for her daughter. So, we got started.
At our first lesson, it was clear that her daughter had a lot of gaps in her learning. She didn’t know any of her phonics. She struggled with holding her pencil and was unable to use scissors to cut. She was unable to identify numbers 1-10. She also really struggled to focus. Suma needed a lot of support from her parents during that first lesson but she did try her best.
In the second lesson, Suma cried. She was very upset about something that had happened earlier. I tried my best to guide her back to me and to the lesson but she was far too upset. I explained to Suma’s mother that she was far too upset and that it would be better for us to use the time to discuss her curriculum together so that she could go with her nanny and calm down.
Sally did not like this. She told me that she was paying for a lesson and she expected her daughter to stay. When I told her learning didn’t work that way, she was furious with me. Learning does not work that way - just FYI. If a child is upset, you must never force learning on them. It will be very detrimental.
Suma went off to play and I asked Sally how Suma was getting on with her phonics.
‘How on earth should I know? Isn’t that what I’m paying tens of thousands of pounds so her Prep school will teach her?’
No, was my answer.
She didn’t like that either!
The lesson after that, Suma really tried her best, but her mother would tell her that she ‘could do better’ and that ‘she knows that already!’
Clearly, the lessons were not working well for any of us.
We will not be continuing together and Suma will continue to go to her Prep School. Clearly, they hadn’t done a great job in the first place. What will be different from the autumn term?
Please do stop having unrealistic expectations. You want your child to go to a school like Westminster? Start 4 terms before the assessment and give your child the chance to really shine and show their capabilities. And be fully prepared to support your child yourself and not leave it up to anyone else.
