Is X a 'good' school?

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This is a question that I get asked every single day.

I’m asked this question by my own dear clients. I’m asked it by parents who call to speak with me. My Executive Consultants are also asked this question daily.

It seems like an innocent question. It seems like a very simple question.

To me, it shows incredible vulnerability and courage.

I found myself asking this question unintentionally when I was considering a prep school for my own son. I was frantically messaging a former head of a prep school, asking for her “advice.” When she ignored my question, I knew instantly that she wasn’t ignoring me — she simply would never be able to answer that question for me. After asking it, I realised I didn’t need advice. I needed a hug.

You see, choosing a “good” school for our children feels incredibly important. And to the majority of you who follow me and read my work, I know it is important to you too.

But no one — hear me — no one can answer this question for you.

Instead, ask yourself:

What is a good school?

What does a school need in order for me to consider it good?

What do I value in a good school?

The answers will be different for all of us.

Here are my answers, if you’re interested.

What is a good school?
A good school will nurture and deeply care for my son as an individual.

What does a school need in order for me to consider it good?
It needs to be loving, caring, and nurturing.

What do I value in a good school?

  • Excellent communication

  • My son being happy every day — happy to go in and happy when I collect him

  • Excellent pastoral care — knowing that if anything is wrong, he has someone who will listen and support him

Visiting a school is not enough to answer this question either. A visit shows you a snapshot in time. Will it show you the true day-to-day reality? No, it won’t.

I always tell my clients that they need to develop the ability to pivot. Develop the ability to expect that they may change their minds. What they value now may evolve — and that’s okay. It’s okay to choose one school and later decide to do something completely different.

Please stop asking this question and relying on other people’s opinions. Other people’s opinions are not your experience. They are simply reflections of what they have experienced.