Why over-helping isn't helpful to your child.

When I was little, I was way too ‘over helped’. What this means is that the teachers in my life helped me too much. Far too often they would just tell me the answer.

This is not good.

At all.

This is poor teaching masqueraded as good teaching. It is not good teaching at all.

If you over help a child aka do all the work for them then who are you really helping?

No one. Definitely not the child.

When I worked in primary schools across London, I would observe this sort of behaviour daily. I would work with teachers who would over help and I also worked with teachers who did not do this.

Interestingly, the teachers who over helped were the ones who were seen to be exceptional teachers. They would have the neatest books and the best displays. But when I would look at the books, I would see learning that was pretty much identical. Learning that was so carefully modelled by the teacher that there would be no way that the child would have done it by themselves.

How is this helpful?

Tell me!

I see it with a few of our students when they initially start working with us. They just want us to tell them the answer. Or they will simply say, ‘I don’t know’ and expect us to tell them the answer. We don’t do this. And it is often so confusing to them.

We will say things like:

‘You tell us!’

‘Have a go!’

‘It doesn’t matter if you get it wrong.’

‘Try!’

If your child is about to sit an assessment, the same thing applies. You telling them the answer or over helping them will not help them to be successful in the assessments. You will not be there! Will you?

It’s about finding the methods of helping and supporting your child but in a way that allows THEM to tell you the answers. That allows THEM to get things wrong and for that not to be a problem. That allows THEM to get things right and to know that they got things right by themselves. This is where true learning happens. Not when an adult simply gives the child an answer.

That is not their answer. That is YOUR answer. And no body cares about your answer. Do they?