How do you support your child to keep going when they don't want to?

It’s all a matter of just one little word.

That word is ‘Why?’

I was brought up being told that you either do what you are told or there will be a consequence. This is not how I bring up my son. No judgement at all to any of you who bring up your children in this way. It is up to you how you raise your children. It just didn’t work well for me. I grew up never understanding the reasons why? I grew up continuing to think that if I didn’t do what was expected of me and what was asked of me that there will be a consequence.

So when your child tells you that they don’t want to do something, I invite you to ask them this one word question. ‘Why?’

Answers will show up differently depending on how old your child is and at their developmental stage.

At the age of two or 3, they may just tell you that they simply don’t want to. They may not even answer you. They may just run off. They may choose to do something else.

At the age of six or seven, they may start crying if you ask them to do something that they don’t want to do. They may tell you that they don’t want to do it and then want to do something else.

At the age of ten or eleven, they might simply refuse to do what you’ve asked them to do and sit there and sulk.

Whatever your child does, this is your opportunity to understand the reason behind why they don’t want to do what you’ve asked them to do.

Let me share with you a few examples.

My three year old student Sara came to one of her lessons with her father. I put the phonics on the screen and asked her to tell me the sounds. She told her father that she did not want to look at the phonics and instead she got her lego. Her father got so frustrated and told her that she ‘had to do what she was told.’ He was getting really flustered which led to his daughter becoming very upset. When she had calmed down, I simply asked her ‘Why?’

After a few moments she said to me ‘Maria, I just find them hard and I don’t want to get it wrong.’

We talked about it for a few moments and before we both knew it, she was looking at the screen and having a go!

My son is nearly 3 years old. He will be 3 in July. He’s always been open to doing learning with me but lately he’s been saying no to me. He wants to choose what he wants to do. I don’t make this a problem. Of course, it’s deeply frustrating and in an ideal world, I’d love for him to always want to do the learning that I’ve so lovingly prepared for him. But this is not how it is currently. When I ask him why, he usually tells me that he wants to do something else. So that’s what he does. Usually, he will choose to do the task that I’d initially asked him to do. At the moment, he wants to feel that he is the one choosing what to do.

So when your child doesn’t want to do something, use it as a learning opportunity to understand them more. Don’t use it as an opportunity to get frustrated and cross.

Do you always want to do something that you are asked to do?